Living Under the Same Roof With Aging Parent
When my family decided to move my mother into our San Jose home, we knew it would bring changes to the household and that it would probably be stressful since we hadn’t lived under the same roof since I was 18 years old. After talking about the fact that grandma was coming to live with us with my young children, my 4 year old daughter came to me in asked “Is Grandma going to be like our new mother?” Although I explained to my children that nothing would change in terms of the roles in our family, I had to take a big step back and wonder if this would in fact be true. I could foresee some serious problems in the future with my mom overstepping her boundaries in our household, so I talked to a San Jose doctor who treats seniors primarily. He presented the following tips, which we certainly kept in mind when bringing my mom and our children’s grandma into the home to ensure that we didn’t have any tension. I’d recommend these tips to anyone, although I will give you one warning – some tension will still occur despite your best efforts, but I’ve been told and keep telling myself that this is normal when there’s too many adults living newly under the same roof!
• All members of the family should be allowed to voice their thoughts – even after a decision has been made to move in mom or dad, every member of the family, including children should be allowed to speak their minds and make suggestions on how to make the living arrangements work for everyone
• Define roles and set expectations – all family members living under the same roof should have their roles defined in advance and should know what to expect of the changes that will be occurring
• Ask for help – when adult caregivers live with their elderly care recipients, they can feel like they’re overwhelmed with responsibility that they can never get away from; ask other siblings or family members to step in to provide respite care or help around the house
• Focus on family – establish family rituals that bridge the generational gap between all of the family members. Plan a movie night, or a family dinner so that everyone can bond over a shared enjoyable experience
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